Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The Vault | South Beach T-Dance
Jury Duty v # of Wrinkles on Dog's Balls

Via Anderson Cooper on AC360º, I gotta hand it to him: he repeated this with a straight face, and didn't have a giggle meltdown, despite the fact that the producers' BLEEPED the five-letter word in question. I thought it reminded me of a photograph I took decades ago, when you just know every fucking queen on South Beach was staring at this dog, most in envy. Or lust.

And to make you photo-geeks happy? I took this with a Mamiya C220 2 1/4" camera, in full Kodacolor 400 medium format. And the lens? Let's just say I was about a foot away from the target.

photograph ©2012_bernard m lynch jr

Well, Erik Slye of Montana was stronger than me. After he got a jury notice in the mail earlier this year, he sent this beautiful notarized love letter. Pure poetry:
Apparently you morons didn't understand me the first time. I CANNOT take time off from work. I'm not putting my family's well-being at stake to participate in this crap. I don't believe in our "justice" system and I don't want to have a goddamn thing to do with it. Jury duty is a complete waste of time. I would rather count the wrinkles on my dog's balls than sit on a jury. Get it through your thick skulls. Leave me the F__K alone.
I love that after all that, he censored the fuck word. That just would've been too over the top, right? F__K, I love this dude. If there was a place to co-sign, my signature would be there. Unfortunately, court officials didn't feel the same way. A judge threatened to throw his ass in jail and ordered that he show his face in court. When he did, Erik apologized . A judge didn't cite him with anything and even excused him from jury duty. So in the end, it worked!
Now you know what to do next time you get one of those evil jury notices in the mail. Copy, paste and send!

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