Saturday, June 30, 2007

Drumroll, please!
iNtroducing...


There's something rotten in that TransVestite's Apple.
You just gotta.

Dolce & Gabbana
Summer '08

Still gay!
Thankfully.

Why Ann Coulter is a cunt.

Ann Coulter Quotes

• These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by griefparrazies. I have never seen people enjoying their husband's deaths so much.

• If I'm going to say anything about John Edwards in the future,
I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot.

• I was going to have a few comments about John Edwards,
but you have to go into rehab if you use the word faggot.

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For the well-dressed man in your life...


Oh my...

eBay iPhones...
WHAT THE FUCK?



Several comments:
1. Is it a coincidence the seller of this phone is in HICKSVILLE?
2. Bidding has increased by $100 in the past 5 minutes;
current bid is $10,200.
3. Yes. I know it's for TWO phones. SUCH A DEAL!

Me thinks this kid should stick his thumb (if not his whole fist) up the ass of the dork who places the winning bid.

Now, for a dose of reality:
Back in the day (not that I am THAT old!) you signed up for phone service when you could AFFORD phone service, even though it was a party line.

Seems like the 976#s really know what's going on.
Partly lines were the first aural daisy chains.

We now resume regularly scheduled programming.

Aural Sex
Deep Throat!


Get your feet in your mouth.

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Aural Sex
First Up...MIKA!


Ummm, rumoured to be, vocally, the "new Freddie Mercury."

Check back.
You know I'll let you know.
So far, so good.
Kinda in the vein of Scissor Sisters meets Queen meets The Beatles meets...

Actually, pretty damn good.
Some funny lyrics.

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Friday, June 29, 2007

The most famous baby picture
in the history of photography!

Why The Coop has a CrackBerry...

Finally! The Transcript!
Kathy Griffin on LarryBLingJive



More later.
Kathy on Oprah!
Kathy on Ryan!
Kathy, ummm, NOT on Anderson.

What up with dat?

Modern Day 'Ho

Mrs Larry BLing
Mrs Donald Dump

(incomplete)

Death Wish
Wish l.ist

Ann
Dick
Fidel
George + George
Larry
Michael
Paris

(incomplete)

Queen v Charlie Bartlett


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Descanse en Pace.
Joel Siegel


Joel E. Siegel
July 7, 1943 - June 29, 2007

What? No war?


The iPhone
1 second past 6pm

Coulter Christ Superstar

Quote|Unquote

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
Lily Tomlin

BREAKING!
Eavesdropping...

BREAKING!
Ernestine Tomlin endorses the iPhone!!!


Watermarked image.
Do not reproduce in any medium without expressed permission.

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Apple's new iPhone ad!
2'58" and counting!


©2007|orangemercury.com
Do not reproduce in any medium without expressed permission.

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Ernestine Loves the iPhone!


Here at the iPhone Company we handle eighty-four billion calls a year. Serving everyone from Steve, presidents and kings queens to the scum of the earth. (snort) We realize that every so often you can't get an operator, for no apparent reason your iPhone goes out of order [snatches plug out of switchboard], or perhaps you get charged for a call you didn't make. We don't care. Watch this [bangs on a switch panel like a cheap piano] just lost Cupertino. (snort) You see, this iPhone system consists of a multibillion-dollar matrix of space-age technology that is so sophisticated, even we can't handle it. But that's your problem, isn't it? Next time you complain about your iPhone service, why don't you try using two Dixie cups with a string. We don't care. We don't have to. (snort)
We're the iPhone Company!

–|Lily Tomlin + OrangeMercury,
while on the iPhone with nightMare!!!

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Top 10 Bitches
Top 10 Bastards

Camilla "he's mine" Parker-Bowles
Barbara "Wonderful opportunity" Bush
Kiran "ChetZilla" Chetsky
Ann "I have a big dick" Coulter
Nancy "pit bull in heat" Grace
Paris "I don't do drugs" Hilton
Star "Falling" Jones
Judge "not in my courtroom" Judy

George "Nuculer" Bush
Dick "dick" Cheney
Michael "home insecurity" Chertoff
Larry "LarryBLingJive" King
Donald "I'm better than everyone" Trump

WTF!
Hung like a...Zorse?

iFunny.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Huh? What?
We're STILL at war?


Oh. You know.
No news is good news?

I thought it was over.
What with celebuCUNT "all-Paris-all-the-time" +
conservaCUNT pubic, I mean, PUNDIT, Ann CUNTer.

ANN COULTER IS A JACKASS!

ANN COULTER IS A MAN!


Shit.

Ann Coulter gives transsexuals a bad name.

BREAKING!
paris hilton DOES NOT do drugs!!!


I'm pissing your pants over the exposé on THE SMOKING GUN. It appears, in several film clips, that Paris does NOT, I repeat, NOT do drugs. She just parties a "little" bit."

Ch-ch-ch-check it out.

Move over Paris!
Ann Coulter is the new CUNT!


Aural Sex
On deck

Haunting sounds.
Haunting lyrics.
Haunting me.

Things could be so different now
It used to be so civilized
You will always wonder how
It could have been if you'd only lied

–|Depeche Mode

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Vanderbilt v Hilton

Don't get your panties in a knot, Anderson.

Two rich kids, a Vanderbilt and a Hilton,
engaged in a pissing match.

Look at it this way:
if you ever wondered if the Coop is gay,
well, he's tipping his hand tonight.

The pH count?
He's said "her name" twice.

One Night in Paris
Depeche Mode


This is the only DVD entitled ONE NIGHT IN PARIS I actually own,
and would watch repeatedly, let alone once.

Anything else is a pale imitation.

Hear that, BITCH?

We interrupt this broadcast...
sorry Paris!


I know this is a rather trivial matter...

XXXxxxPARIS HILTONxxxXXX


BREAKING!

Paris Hilton says
she's NEVER taken drugs.

Quote|Unquote


"I travel all over the world for work."
–|Paris Hilton

N.B.: "No comment" from OrangeMercury.

Paris Hilton's "disease"

Claustro-FUCKING-phobia.

WTF?

Damn.
I thought it was something really trivial.
Oh, I don't know: cancer? leukemia? AIDS?

Nah.
Those are pussy diseases (pun intended?)

Claustrophobia, however, is killing millions in Darfur, India, China, and select parts of the United States.

Note to Paris.


Yo, bitch.

You don't have MY fucking support...
And what's this shit about soldiers in Iraq writing to you?
Best I could figure, they've all seen ONE NIGHT IN PARIS
and just want to fuck you silly.

The other "ticktock, ticktock..."

Pity about poor Katherine though;
tick tock, tick tock, tick tock...

TickTock. TickTock.
The Countdown.

Someone PLEASE explain to me the following:
1. I understand the countdown to the iPhone. Hell, it's about to change the future as much as the invention and introduction of the first telephone.
2. What the FUCK is going on with CNN's PARIS countdown (26"30') projected on the screen?
3. Why is this cooze pre-empting CNN's intelligent and very important coverage of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered individuals?

I have no idea at all.
All I can say is the clock is going "ticktock, ticktock" until the world's most famous cunt starts quiffing on LarryBLingJive (currently 12"57').

Pleaseplreaseplease Paula...don't get sucked in by all this!!!!!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

CRUISING to a DVD release
September 18


June 20

It took nearly three decades but it looks like people are finally able to watch William Friedkin's misunderstood "Cruising" without accusing it of a hate crime. Showing at Cannes this year, the tough (like, really tough), subversive and in some moments, brilliant picture has finally gotten a DVD release date:

"Warner Home Video has announced a deluxe edition of 'Cruising' which stars Al Pacino. This William Friedkin directed thriller will be available to own from the 18th September, and should retail at around $19.97. The film itself will be presented in 1.85:1 widescreen, along with a remastered English Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround track. Extras will include an audio commentary with the director, two new featurettes (The History of Cruising and Exorcising Cruising), and the original theatrical trailer. English, French and Spanish subtitles will also be provided. Warner hasn't revealed the art yet, but we'll bring you that soon."

The IFOCE?
What the FUCK?



$50,000 is NOT enough.
This is nothing short of vulgar.
Any eating contest shows a serious disconnect with the ever-expanding problem of hunger in the United States and the world at large.

I would like to see eating contests banned, and the corporations behind them fined to such an extent where they'd re-allocate their "eating contest food + dollars" to those who would rather have one hotdog a day v 4 hotdogs every 60 seconds.

NOTHING is to be gained by sponsoring "events" such as this whereas everything is to gain (perhaps 4 lives every 60 seconds?) by banning such "competitions" and funneling all monies to the desperate and dying.

What I do off the clock
v
what others do...

For president...CNN's Lou Dobbs

Quote|Unquote

We cannot have border security unless we have guest workers' programs.

–|George Dubya Bush

AKA-------->CLUELESS!

Postcards from the Asylum
Darfur


Any compassionate person, and the rest of you, needs|need to watch this video presentation on Darfur.

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Hell.

38,328 KIA|MIA|Suicide|Wounded
v
The "important" news

Monday, June 25, 2007

BREAKING!
PARIS' POST-POKEY MAKEOVER!


Paris denies having any surgery in jail. It appears she melted due to the lights being on all the time and her insistence to work in the laundromat steaming other inmates' orange underpants!

Orange is the new Paris!

Too smokin' hot for words!
Brody Jenner
Bark, bark...WOOF!


From WIKIPEDIA:
A February 2007 profile of Jenner in Details, which was based on interviews both with Jenner and his friend and manager Spencer Pratt, suggested that his fame has been carefully contrived by Pratt's intentional and strategic manipulations of the media.[1] The article suggests, for instance, that Jenner dated Nicole Richie on Pratt's insistence that it would win him publicity. The article quotes Pratt advising Jenner:

"All right, then here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna start dating Nicole Richie. And you’re gonna get that skinny bitch to eat, all right? You are about to become The Guy Who Got Nicole Richie to Eat.

Process that shit, bro. You’ll be, like, a fucking hero to America." Jenner later said he was "horrified" about the way the article construed him and his relationship with Richie, who he claimed to "genuinely love".[2]

Hair by Cynthia McKinney's stylist!


Supposedly, this witch is a CNN reporter.
Now I know why I need a widescreen.
I wouldn't be able to fit this mess on a "normal" television.

Hint, hint:
Babe, it ain't about you.
O-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Tanika Ray?

LarryBLingJive v AC360º

Scumbag Harvey (TMZ.com) with his verbal diarrhea on the mental harm done to the pH factor

versus

The Coop's lead story: a House Republican goes on record to say that the "new" Iraq strategy isn't working and isn't likely to have a "positive" effect on the war.

Somebody's got their priorities "straight."

Wonder what the Coop did for Rob's b-day!
Perhaps they have a late dinner date at GENERATION SUSHI!!!

Hey guys.
Did you get the shot? Cool!

Yo, bitch!
Smoke it or pass it!