In a stunning development, Eli Roth has finally agreed to begin filming HOSTEL Part 3, rumoured to be the most expensive film ever made, topping even BEN HUR, TITANIC, and every Harry Potter movies combined. (EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS FROM THE PROGRAMME BOOKLET AFTER THE JUMP).
"After listening to our many fans, those who have been with us since HOSTEL, and the millions we have picked up with the history-making HOSTEL PART 2, we have finally come to a mutually agreed upon price for the groundbreaking HOSTEL 3. While many, many people have either called us or flooded our emails with suggestions for HOSTEL PART 3, a unique and highly-controversial milestone is about to be realized. It will be as controversial, if not more so, than BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN."
Our sources tell us Roth was working on a rough draft of a script with an all-expenses-paid trip to a very exclusive hostel in SLOVAKIA. Attendees of THE WHITE PARTY in Miami were all given an opportunity to bid on this adventure for seven guys who were all going to be put up in the very hush-hush and toney HOSTEL SPA + BATH HOUSE for boiz.
"We've been in close contact with this very exclusive spa for some time now. Among the other requirements of this hostel for boiz are screening for HIV (you must be negative as condoms are forbidden), you must have a cock of at least 8.5" x 6.5", with balls equil to or larger than hard-boiled eggs. A minimum of 6-pak abs, with a preference for a 30-pak is a strict mandate. Your cum must meet specific requirements regarding amount, consistency, PMS-coloring, pH balance, texture and sweet + sour percent ratios, with a low-sodium preference. If you have any hair longer than .5" anywhere on your body, other than your neatly-coiffed hair by GARREN NEW YORK, you will immediately be sent to the exhibition hall. Electro-stim for your cock and balls is provided as a wake-up call a no-earlier than 6pm some 72 hours after the closing of the 48-hour dance party + orgy. Refreshments, including cocaine, Special K, GHB, and poppers, in addition to an open-hash and marijuana bar, are provided at 50 stations for every 100 guests. The liquid bar provides you with nothing but top-shelf liquors spanning the globe, and is the exclusive provider of ABSOLUT URIN in the entire galaxy. The dessert bar includes such delicacies as DEATH BY FECES 7-layer cake, SHIT ON A SHINGLE, LIQUID CHOCOLATE, and an assortment of truffles (not by GODIVA!) by the members-only company of HERSHEY HIGHWAY. Your fingernails must be exquisitely trimmed, and no more than .0125" beyond the quick, with a perfectly-shaped white cresent moon no more than twice the height of the width in an effort to make double-fistfucking more enjoyable for all. Your rectum walls will be uniquely appointed by our panel of interior decorators, and your pucker-hole will be neatly shaved and cleansed with SUMMER'S ADAM DOUCHE. For those interested in pig-play, several acres of the resort has been converted into a barn with all sorts of livestock and rare animals available for your sexual pleasures."
"Our staff is composed solely of no less than 3 sets of triplets, all under the age of 25, for each two guests. For the more discerning among our guests, special access is granted to MYSPACE.COM where they can choose amongst dozens of 12 - 15 year old males who have be preserved in liquid nitrogen for best results. Any youth between the ages of 12 - 15 who sports underarm hair, pubic hair or hair on their legs or arms will be immediately blenderized to prevent spoilage. Anal virgins between the ages of 8 - 12 will be made available with 9-month notice and a cash deposit of USD$1,000,000 or the equivalent in EU dollars. Anyone over the age of 25 will be euthanized and served up the following evening in a tasty dish of COCK-O VIN with a light bernaise sauce."
"Viagra, Cialis and an assortment of pleasure-enhancing chewing gum is available from the concierge. Cockrings, nipple clamps, rheostats, hammers, nails, and a wide variety of dildos – all races, creeds, colors, both circumsized and uncircumsized – can be found in your servi-bars."
According to sources, those with the most sexual hangups (such as safe-sex only, no BB or PnP et al) will be voted off the the resort with their skins available as exclusive COACH bags and take-away intestines steamed or pan-seared to your taste. Tennis with eyeballs is nightly, and ping-pong with their testicles commences at noon every once-in-a-blue moon. All rooms and facilities throughout the resort have anal douches and velvet-lined (crushed, black) gloryholes. No restroom has ever been cleaned since its opening. No shoes, no shirt? NO PROBLEM! Black Speedos by such notable designers as Armani, Kenneth Cole, Dolce + Gabbana, and, of course, GIANNI VERSACE (limited edition only) have been crafted in black leather taken from organic, free-range, and still-breathing cows imported from the United States. All livestock consumed has been screened for Bird Flu, Mad Cow disease, Ebola and, for your comfort, TB.
Entertainers, notably Grace Jones, Cher, Donna Summer, Madonna and, returning from the dead for one-night-only Judy Garland are amongst the many surprises in store. The dance floor is the equivalent of six football fields, with genuine fireworks, including m80s and cannons, available at each of the one-million-entrances to forestall the inconvenience of waiting in line. A disco ball equivalent in size to the planet Jupiter will be suspended one-inch from the hair of the tallest guest (rumored to be 6'4", with an inch of hair, placing the disco ball at an estimated height of 6'6" – 6'8") spinning at a rate of Mach 4 will be illuminated with no less than the center of the universe (the sun!) has been constructed amidst the tightest security, provided by no-less-than the Homeland Security of the United States.
Divine will be entertaining 24/7 in the LooneyLounge.
All attendees will have a one-inch wide, three-inch long spike thrust through their right hand in an effort to thwart all counterfeiting attempts.
It is highly-rumored by the website TMZ.COM (the site which broke, and confirmed, the early release of Paris Hilton from her ten concurrent life sentences) (that) Anderson Cooper will be making his first appearance since waiting in line at The Saint, Rituals MMXVIC.
Roth was quoted as saying he knew he couldn't turn down the filming of HOSTEL PART 3 when he learned that the plotline of the movie involved the immolation, cannibalization and execution by crucifixion of every attendee.
"I'm flattered the backers of this movie, also produced by Queerton Tarantino and Lang Elton Baumgarten, have enlisted me for this first-ever snuff film."
Fans of torture porn anxiously await the release of this movie. A release date has yet to be announced, and could not be confirmed at press time.
NOTE: No part of this exclusive report, in whole or in part, may be reproduced in any medium without the explicit and expressed permission of this site. Violators will be fined, skinned alive, roasted over an open fire, and toasted with a liquor content of not less than 12.5%
Questions? Email to 'whatthefuckATyourekiddingmeDOTcom-down'.
All media inquiries will be handled at the discretion of our bipolar press relations spokesman.
AT PRESS TIME, NEGOTIATIONS WERE CONTINUING WITH BRIAN MAY AND ROGER TAYLOR CONCERNING THE DISINTERMENT OF FREDDIE MERCURY FOR AN EXCLUSIVE CONCERT AND EVENING OF GANG-RAPE.
Click HERE for an exclusive, limited-edition, program from last year, including photographs of the buffet, attendees, and surprise guests. Available here shortly.