Seems lately a great deal has been going on here and there, my life, friends' lives, what I observe, what I see on television (OK, CNN's endless loop) and, then, yes, the newspaper. In the paper format, not the electronic.
and it's all about "closure" and "ending" like life's trials and tribulations are going to tie themselves up in a lovely gift box all set for you to leave at the curb for the trash pickup. Like it's that fucking simple.
Every beginning has an ending, and that ending is, in essence, a beginning of another sort. Every beginning is different, deliberate, synchronistic, manufactured even. But it's how something ends which marks the future of how we deal with this "end" in our lives.
Like me and death. I think it's because I've been knock-knock-knocking on heaven's door since I was a boy (by design, not by plan) and until I was, maybe, 22, I didn't really know anyone who died. Not even a pet (never had one). Then AIDS hit, and my friends and some family members, and just plain old people I knew in the working world who made my life a bit more pleasant: Gene, the florist; Rocky, the barber: Bob, disc jockey; Todd and Vinnie, both high school acquaintances somewhat younger than me.
Then my grandmother died.
Then cancer ended my beloved greyhound's life prematurely.
What do you do? Death? Get over it. No matter how it shakes out, they ain't coming back. If you know someone's going to die, you have some measure of time to work it through. If you are unfortunate to have to deal with the phone call and an untimely, somewhat senseless death has occurred, again: acknowledge, and get over it, 'cause they ain't coming back either.
And I've heard first-hand about the military and the chaplain coming to the door, in a clinical yet cinematic description, right down to who was doing what and the weather outside...
When something needs to end (a job, a relationship, something) at least be able to look "it" square in whatever eye is suitable, shake hands, acknowledge something good about your previous interactions, some pleasant memory, and move on.
That takes courage.
If you're going to quit a job over the phone, why bother calling? Just don't show up and it'll shake itself out. If you need to resign, do it with fortitude and a strong fix in the horizon. If you're going to end a relationship, do it gently and remember how it started. Do you really need to leave a person as a mere shell of their former self. Just closing up shop in any manner, and leaving loose ends in someone else's life?
That's the coward's way out.
I have always looked at life this way: if there's a bullet with my name on it and I have to bite down? I bite down hard. Therein is your lesson. Take what you own, learn, and move on.
Anything less is disrespectful and smacks of emotional cruelty.
Here's a quick story: I've had significant relationships with two guys who don't know each other, and they both have varying degrees in psychology, psychiatry, social work, et al. And in the interim, there've been a few I've met who were interested in "something" or I've met a few who were friends of friends.
I have some semblance of a "therapist" in my infrequent circle of doctor visits.
Why the hell would I want to be involved with someone who's going to know how to push the right combo of emotional buttons, only to leave you with no notice, no explanation, nothing.
"It's just not working out."
It? How about explaining "it" and having the balls to do it face to face.
I don't really care who's involved and all the minutiae involved...
it's just the ethically and morally correct way to deal with a fellow human being.
Now I'm going to sign off so I can put a few things of my own in brightly-colored orange boxes with green bows, and leave them out at the curb tonight.