Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Dear Austen,


Dear Austen,
You know I'm big on symbolism, punctuation, grammar, lyrics, synchonicity, and all the rest. Color (like orange being the complement of blue) and chemistry (people, not the test tube stuff).
And I'm super getting off that I can legitimately call you Austen and TEXAS figures in in a major fucking way, and I already think I'm a fucking mental case, and I am, and I embrace it and really don't give a fuck what you think anymore (can't resist). I just know about the cold of November, and when I stoked more than a few fires.
So if you knew anything about the symbolism of "cups" you'd know they were vessels. They either hold something, spill their contents, are empty as sacrifice, or are symbolic of promise and return. Either way, they aren't garbage to be thrown out. Cups, symbolically, are meant to be returned. Something about a circle to be closed. So I closed the circle this morn. A circle closed with drawn shades, closed squares, somehow apropos. "Just Hold On" was blaring in the Xterra, and I'm sure the legions of the living would have been raised from the sleeping dead. I didn't care. You thought I was your best friend...yesterday is gone, and the night is long.

I met someone.
That's what this is all about.
I really did. Someone you actually know. And someone who knows you. Turns out this is the smallest fucking world in the world. I was in a strange way "giddy" when it happened. Like the relationship you're not supposed to have, say, with you ex-husband's brother? Oh! That'd be you! Well, kinda.

And you know who else I met? Well, our code name is Time. Or is it Emit? We haven't decided, but we already decided this is going to be a very long-term relationship and he recognizes, and, for a change, respects that I am a writer, an artist, and a photographer (imagine that? someone who respects what you do? apart from them?) and he knows I'm going to write about him. Oh, and guess what? HE'S CHANGED MY LIFE MORE THAN YOU EVER COULD! HOW'S THAT! Even better: I've changed his. And we've cried together. Oh, just so you know? We don't have sex. Why? I'll never tell.

Oh, so there was a message I wanted to get across, better than I ever could. That, my dear friend, was just a warm up.

Oh, and I'd like to make a very public pronouncement.

You have my phone number, at work, at home, and you have all the various e-mails.
I kinda love you, yep. Always will. And somewhere, sometime, somehow, we will be friends. Remember, you are alive, and we shared something intense (to me, anyway.) And when you start your week putting man's best friend to sleep, that kinda reminds you how transient life is, and I missed you and wanted to hug you.

BUT YOU AREN'T FUCKING TALKING TO ME...AGAIN.
Gotta love friends like you.

So. Yep. I know. "It" is over.
Let the friendship begin.

You know how to find me. Don't be pissed. It's a useless waste of energy.
Wanna go dancing?


TEXAS
I Don't Want a Lover


I don't want a lover
I just need a friend
I don't want a lover
I just need a friend

You can't just leave me
To face life on my own
I know you don't love me no more
I knew this day it would come
Even when it cuts so deep
It's true I still want you
But the harder I try
The more I seem to lose

I don't want a lover
I just need a friend
I've had time to recover
Now that I know it wasn't love

It's always a different story
When it's me who's in the wrong
But you can't have it all
Cause I'm the one who's strong
I've already been burnt before
Once but never again
I know the time will come
That's when you need me then

I don't want a lover
I just need a friend
I've had time to recover
Now that I know it wasn't love

I don't want a lover
I just need a prayer
I know you never cared
Now that I know it wasn't love

You don't even care
About what I'm saying
You don't even think
What you're doing
All you see is what you want it to be
But in there there's just no room for me

I don't want a lover
I just need a friend
I've had time to recover
Now that I know it wasn't love

You don't even care
About what I'm saying
You don't even think
What you're doing
All you see is what you want it to be
But in there there's just no room for me

I don't want a lover
I just need a prayer
I know you never cared
Now that I know it wasn't love

I don't want a lover
I just need a prayer

I know you never cared
Now that I know it wasn't love

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

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Saturday, August 12, 2006 at 2:18:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very pretty site! Keep working. thnx!
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Thursday, August 17, 2006 at 6:19:00 PM EDT  

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